Friday, April 22, 2011

laughing between the tears

it seems lately that's all i ever do. one minute it's high stress and the next it's fabulous sweetness. i hear it will be this way for the next while.

now i have a teenage daughter who wants to have all the freedoms and doesn't yet understand the consequences that happen because of too much freedom, and i cry a lot. we gave her lots of freedom because she had always made the right choices. just recently we've had to pull some of those freedoms, and trying to explain to her why has been pretty tough on all of us. how can you put words to a feeling? how can you make concrete a worry that nigs at that back of your momma brain? how can you find a way to explain something you really don't understand yourself? i can't. i just hold her and cry. i tell her we're going to make it through this. i tell her i love her over and over again. and then once more. i pray.

after i posted this, i noticed i spelled occasion wrong. i have since changed that. i rarely do that. grrrr...

it's not like she's done something irreversible and horrible, really, she's an amazing kid and has been the perfect teenager. too perfect according to some of my friends. but that's annie. she is amazing and beautiful and so focused on incorporating what she knows is right into her day. if i were to explain the dynamic in our family right now, you'd probably roll your eyes, shake your head, and say, "you're over-reacting momma." i keep praying for help to know what to do. and i do get help. in small ways, things people say, things i read, things i hear, but we each have our agency and that's where it's hard. it's the wall socket theory. balancing when to let go and have her learn is really tough.

juxtaposed against these emotionally draining moments are some amazing highs. after a week of being grounded (first time in her life, due to some tardiness issues), she went to prom this weekend. i made her dress because we couldn't find anything that was modest. i came seriously close to the wire on this one, but was able to succeed and pull it off. she looked radiant. i was going to do her hair, i'd watched videos on youtube and figured i could manage. after i finished most of the dress (we still had to buy shoes so i still had to hem it...), and she was away at a basketball game, i called my stylist holly and she had a spare hour. she's an amazing lady, she made annie into a curly headed dream. annie's got her dad's stick straight hair (which i would have died for, but you always want what you don't have right?), it's never held a curl well. but holly managed to give annie a head full of bouncy curls. watching the transformation was such a treat. her smile got bigger and bigger.

does this face say skeptical? 
look, the curls are holding!

a whole bunch of them now!
seriously, do you have be so beautiful?
rather happy now, not skeptical at all.

she made her own jewelry and looked just lovely. ryan came to pick her up and he looked so very handsome, his tie matched perfectly. they posed for pictures, annie chattering away the entire time.
i only regret i didn't get a photo of her fabulous shoes! they were adorable grey w/ ruffles.

first love is sweet

then she gave us hugs, kelly's hug was pretty emotional on his part, and away she went.
poor poor daddy
he's such a gentleman!
she had a magical time. everything a prom should be. i'm happy that she's picked such a sweet and caring boy for her first love. he's a little shy, but he'll come around, i'm sure. his mom says he's changed a lot since starting to date annie. she said he's a lot happier. :)

and we here we are, wondering where the time went. so very proud of her. so very worried. did we do enough? we've still got time, but it's going to go so quickly. kelly took her to BYU earlier this month so she could fall in love with the campus. she's not set on going there and we are now in brainwashing mode so she'll see what a great decision it would be to attend there. not to mention the tuition bill will be much nicer. :)


*reyanna klein* said...

Awww! Hang in there, Lovely! I'm sure it *must* be hard having a teen-aged daughter. But then again... you really have raised her (i know it!) to be such an amazing young lady. ;-)

She looks beautiful in these prom photos! WOW! It *is* frustrating how all the dresses these days are soooo revealing. Bleh. I know girls at our church had to alter and/or make all their dresses for prom.

You did an AMAZING job on this dress!! I love the cut, color AND sleeves. Just gorgeous! And she just glows in this color. :-)

Nati Tristan said...

Your daughter is absolutely beautiful and she looks like a very respectiable young lady! God bless!

Donna said...

oh, sigh......she looks stunning. what a lovely young lady she is becoming. I remember my first time being grounded was my sophmore year in high school - it will all work out. No doubt. Lovely job on the dress, and those curls rock!! Keep the faith.

Sarah Webb said...

She's gorgeous Emily! Can't wait to see a page or two of your sweet beauty! I have to go scrap my 5 year old now, I am cringing thinking about this future. I am soooo not ready ;)

Kelsey said...

What a beautiful post. I love your layout. Especially your journaling.

That dress is amazing. Love the simplicity of it. And she looks just stunning in it. Good luck with BYU. Although neither my hubs or I went there (we met at CSU), I'm already leaning towards BYU;).

clouds shadler said...

Emily, yer daughter is so beautiful! gosh, i can only say it's really tough, to be a teenager, especially a girl teenager, hormones run high, you think u know everything and mom and dad are always wrong! I felt sorry for my mother, lol, having no kids whatsoever i can only imagine what it's like on the other end for parents ... i sure didn't make it easy for mine, i'm sorry :S hang in there, i'm sure yer daughter will be just fine, i think we all go through this! but all will be well! p.s: if you made the dress, wowza, it so beautiful and very appropriate!

C :)

Tami said...

I think you are an amazing mom and it may be hard but knowing what I know of you I'd bet the farm you're making the right decisions for your family so don't worry if it doesn't 'match' others'

Your daughter is gorgeous, I love reading about the 'other side' as a mom of boys my worries seem to differ drastically at times ;)

Kasey said...

She looks like a princess in that dress! And, I love her hair and jewelry. Very gorgeous!

marcy said...

Oh Em... I'll be there in a few years! You're doing an amazing job!

Live a Life EXTRAordinary said... your heartfelt, authentic journaling and your willingness to put it out there for all of us cybermommas of tweens and teens to read and perhaps learn and grow from. Your layout is beautiful.
Happy Easter!

Keshet said...

Beautiful post, Em. And love the dress you made!

Laurie said...

First of all, that dress is stunning, it actually looks exactly like the dress my bridesmaids wore at my wedding but just darker. I also have a teen, and it really is tough, the freedom thing, the dating thing, he's a boy so I guess I worry a little less, I've already told my daughter she is not nice post, and nice photos, glad your daughter had fun at the prom.

kimmik said...

So well said! I can't bear the moment I have to put my daughter's hand into someone else's! I appreciate your heart-felt testimony of prayer and listening for answers. The best guidance comes from above.

Aubree said...

Emily, what a stunning dress! You did a amazing job making that!

I am sure you have raised your daughter well and while we all hit some small bumps in the road, she will be guided to always do the right thing in the end. As mothers, we have to believe we have done all we can.

Amy Sorensen said...

Emily, as I am caught up in some of the very same issues I can only say: I feel your pain! I was thinking today about how hard having little ones seemed, back then, but now it is a whole different kind of hard. You just want to do what is right!

The dress turned out beautifully! I am totally impressed!

Stephanie Howell said...

i'll tell you this. she is BLESSED to have the two of you for parents. you are doing an amazing job with her, emily. and the dress? is amazing!

Julie said...

She looked truly gorgeous. You did a great job on the dress, but you are very talented :). Sounds like you are doing the best you can.