laughing between the tears

it seems lately that's all i ever do. one minute it's high stress and the next it's fabulous sweetness. i hear it will be this way for the next while.

now i have a teenage daughter who wants to have all the freedoms and doesn't yet understand the consequences that happen because of too much freedom, and i cry a lot. we gave her lots of freedom because she had always made the right choices. just recently we've had to pull some of those freedoms, and trying to explain to her why has been pretty tough on all of us. how can you put words to a feeling? how can you make concrete a worry that nigs at that back of your momma brain? how can you find a way to explain something you really don't understand yourself? i can't. i just hold her and cry. i tell her we're going to make it through this. i tell her i love her over and over again. and then once more. i pray.

after i posted this, i noticed i spelled occasion wrong. i have since changed that. i rarely do that. grrrr...

it's not like she's done something irreversible and horrible, really, she's an amazing kid and has been the perfect teenager. too perfect according to some of my friends. but that's annie. she is amazing and beautiful and so focused on incorporating what she knows is right into her day. if i were to explain the dynamic in our family right now, you'd probably roll your eyes, shake your head, and say, "you're over-reacting momma." i keep praying for help to know what to do. and i do get help. in small ways, things people say, things i read, things i hear, but we each have our agency and that's where it's hard. it's the wall socket theory. balancing when to let go and have her learn is really tough.

juxtaposed against these emotionally draining moments are some amazing highs. after a week of being grounded (first time in her life, due to some tardiness issues), she went to prom this weekend. i made her dress because we couldn't find anything that was modest. i came seriously close to the wire on this one, but was able to succeed and pull it off. she looked radiant. i was going to do her hair, i'd watched videos on youtube and figured i could manage. after i finished most of the dress (we still had to buy shoes so i still had to hem it...), and she was away at a basketball game, i called my stylist holly and she had a spare hour. she's an amazing lady, she made annie into a curly headed dream. annie's got her dad's stick straight hair (which i would have died for, but you always want what you don't have right?), it's never held a curl well. but holly managed to give annie a head full of bouncy curls. watching the transformation was such a treat. her smile got bigger and bigger.

does this face say skeptical? 

look, the curls are holding!

a whole bunch of them now!

seriously, do you have be so beautiful?

rather happy now, not skeptical at all.

she made her own jewelry and looked just lovely. ryan came to pick her up and he looked so very handsome, his tie matched perfectly. they posed for pictures, annie chattering away the entire time.

i only regret i didn't get a photo of her fabulous shoes! they were adorable grey w/ ruffles.

first love is sweet

then she gave us hugs, kelly's hug was pretty emotional on his part, and away she went.

poor poor daddy

he's such a gentleman!

she had a magical time. everything a prom should be. i'm happy that she's picked such a sweet and caring boy for her first love. he's a little shy, but he'll come around, i'm sure. his mom says he's changed a lot since starting to date annie. she said he's a lot happier. :)

and we here we are, wondering where the time went. so very proud of her. so very worried. did we do enough? we've still got time, but it's going to go so quickly. kelly took her to BYU earlier this month so she could fall in love with the campus. she's not set on going there and we are now in brainwashing mode so she'll see what a great decision it would be to attend there. not to mention the tuition bill will be much nicer. :)