Tuesday, October 30, 2012

putting the super suit away (or at least sending it to the cleaners)

I was talking to my good friend Heidi yesterday. This weekend was a particularly tough one for me, but one that opened my eyes to the fact that I really need to stop thinking I can do it all. She said, "We all like to wear that suit with an S on the front." What a perfect way to put my conundrum. I can't do it all. I know where that mindset came from, a particularly disappointing announcement from scrapbooking land, something I'd really been convinced would happen, didn't. I did a layout way back then about not putting all my eggs in one basket. I determined at that point to keep lots of doors and windows open all the time. I said yes to a lot of things. Sunday I was sitting in Sunday School, we were discussing the Beatitudes and a scripture about your eye being single was read: ...if thine eye be single, thy whole body be full of light. The teacher asked what that meant to us. The class was silent, but I knew exactly what it meant, so I almost shouted, IT'S ALL ABOUT FOCUS!!! And I knew I was talking to me. I'm doing too much and it's time to start parring down and trusting that my Heavenly Father and Jesus know what is best and will provide. How to do that parring down, well, that's hard for me, I don't like to make anyone feel bad. I like to finish my commitments. And I will. But I'll stop making new ones and get rid of the ones that I can. I've been saying no this month, but I need to say it a few more times. 

So in light of all this, I find this layout I created for Cocoa Daisy's November kit, Navy Pier, really kind of funny. I really struggled with this layout. I changed the title. I moved things around, I just couldn't get it to work. I love the colors and elements, but bleh, it just wasn't working. Let's pick it apart, for the sake of Freud. 

See that picture? A: the look on my face is one of slight hesitation. I honestly didn't notice that when I picked it from a series of self portraits. But I find it funny that I look doubtful. B: the way it's perched there, just under the "P" like it's going to fall off the page? Yah. That's kind of how I was feeling this weekend. And all those tags, that I thought were so clever? Well those are things that keep me busy, too busy. And the journaling is about how I love what I do, which is true, but I am doing too much. I'm filling too many roles, there are others out there that could easily fill my spot in a few of those places, the world would keep spinning, and I'd be a lot happier. I'd be OK. I think I'm just fearful of not having enough to do. I've always been one to fill my life with commitments. Only they aren't always the ones that really matter. 

This talk from 2007, Good, Better, Best, has been in the back of my mind for the last few months. Dallen H. Oaks is an apostle in my church, and he has a way of putting things so as to connect with my brain. His message may have religious references, but if you're feeling in any way as I've described above, there is much in the message that would be of benefit to anyone, religious or not. You can read it or listen to it. I'm listening to it as I am writing this :)

So last night, instead of heading upstairs to finish off some duties I had, I played Egyptian Rat Slap with my family. I stink at the game, but it's fun:) Can you tell who won?

So that's where I am right now. Turning this over to the Lord, but doing the work needed to clear my plate a bit. It's OK to be busy, but I need to focus.

And with that, I'll share my last two Cocoa Daisy layouts for you. These have no subliminal messages, at least I can see right off :) This was such a fun kit. I procrastinated and crammed too much into last week, but I loved that everything came together quite easily.

And now, to go continue cleaning and organizing. 

Life is rather good. It's a mess, but I'm seeing some important headway. I'm just stubborn. :) And I like my super suit.


Lydia said...

Love your pages, especially the pie chart. Although, yes it does seem there are a lot of slices in your pie. Fewer slices of pie for you! Then you can add some ice cream to them.

I used to say that the cleaners lost my Wonder Woman suit. My problem with having an overfull plate is that it leaves me feeling like I'm not enough.

Margrethe said...

I know how you feel, and I can see myself in your words. To be honest, I'm closed to wiped out. I keep bitin over bites that are too large and even though I keep doing this, I'm always surprised when I can't get them down, so to speak.

Sorry you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment and good for you saying no!

Keshet said...

I love this post--focus is such a challenge for me, too. And sorry about the scrappy loss. Sounds disappointing:(

Denise said...

wonderful post Emily. full of heart. I totally get that feeling. It happens a lot. We can't have everything, do everything well, all the time. It's a sad myth that gets in the way of our true selves. perfection is really creepy anyway when you think about it. I think that scripture deserves a layout!

S said...

Oh I can relate, and even though my initial is S - I found out years ago that I am by no means superwoman, and trying to be just made me into a me I didn't like so much. So good luck with the paring down, it's not as easy as it sounds. And enjoy focusing on the people that really matter and dabbling in everything else!